Brownie or Blondie

Recently I read an article by scholar Raquel Rivera (I believe she used to teach or still does at my alma mater) about being brown, self-identifying as brown, being perceived as brown or not at all relating to brown in the Latino community.
Although I think it is a very south-west term stemming from Mexican-American, Chicano’s who mostly associate themselves with just the European and Native American blend (and mostly deny the African-roots) , I also do think it captures the amalgamation of the African roots with all of the beautiful ancestry that Latin America has. For me being brown means embracing the Native American roots I know I have because my mother is from El Salvador, and those of my dad because he was not only born in Guatemala (his dad’s side being Spanish-blend and his mother being of Turkish descent). I not only consider the south west hemisphere brown but I also consider the middle eastern side brown (although people will argue that it is white or European because it has now entered the EU and in an effort to seem civil, the Turkish people will distinguish themselves as European, eh to each is own).
On another note I also know someone who is a Jewish-Mexican (yes, plenty of them exist just like Jew-*insert country*). This friend of mine related to me that it took him a long time to identify with his Jewish part, I forget his reason. He also told me that every time I identified myself as half or part Turkish that he resented me for it. Here is my conclusion of the situation. In this day in age Jews are seen as white people and they are white (physically for the most part). I see Judaism as a religion and nothing more unless you are ethnic and/or orthodox and simply not a race. I can convert and say I am Jewish tomorrow and perhaps people will associate me or perceive me as white automatically (because I am light skin). I am not saying that there can’t be multicultural Jews or black Jews or red Jews or brown Jews, I am simply saying that when it comes down to it because race is a social construct based on skin color people will look at the *insert color* before the Jew, and if there is no color that you insert people will automatically insert it for you, we are all trained to do that. In this case I think he thinks the Jew-part makes him higher or perhaps better than other Latinos, but that’s only me thinking out loud. I also think he would think of himself as a brownie.
Another friend of mine has Central American roots but is clearly dark skin. He might have some features that resemble Native Americans perhaps many of them, but the skin color stands out. When asked what race he is, he refers back to Latino (which isn’t a race) and says he looks just like his uncle who is Central American. In his head though I think that he really thinks he is a Blondie. Latino in this case is more to defend his class, and to deny reality as a black man. I don’t know how he does it, honestly.
Going back to me now I also feel the need to defend myself in terms of why I even claim the Middle Eastern side. It is not to claim the European side of it (because I wouldn’t consider it in Europe) but more so to embrace the roots that I have been blessed with. If Shakira can do why can’t I? I pretty much move like her in any case. I have also embraced this because throughout my childhood I have been called Middle Eastern in some cases Lebanese, Syrian (among others) and always had the curiosity of knowing if I was. Low and behold about in 2003 was when my aunt (on my dad’s side confirm this on a pilgrimage back to L.A. the motherland). And after all that thought I still do consider myself a Brownie. How about you?

December 1st Nostalgia.

Once I left the HIV/AIDS field I have been feeling a little bit empty. A void in me. My work has its good and bad days, mostly admin work and doesn’t let me really create, make or come up with new (at least to me) ideas or concepts. Saturday was world AIDS day and what did I do? Nothing. I was running on the treadmill at the gym and I watched Magic Johnson talk about the importance of getting tested, the same thing I used to do back in the days…I used to be the walking billboard for any gay or HIV/AIDS-related organization and boy did I do it a little too well. I had people (men really) come back every 3-6 months to see me and get tested. Building that rapport with people and that sense of community and trust was/is so important to me and that’s why this year, doing nothing hit home. Knowing that my brothers, sisters, ex-lovers, future-lovers, future-ex-lovers are getting infected at an alarming rate and not knowing they are hit me in the face. As much as I love seeing celebrities talk about and advocate for this cause, it still is not enough. Especially when they are big stars and although Magic has the experience, he only has one experience and that can’t really talk for the rest of the population. Getting tested is the first step, but there are obstacles along the way. I am HIV-negative and test regularly because I know the importance of it, and I still confront obstacles myself. I am always safe when I have sex, but that 20 minutes (thanks to the rapid test) really makes you take a second and think about everything. Those 20 minutes can really make you or break you. I was born here in the U.S., I am out and have no qualms around my sexuality but imagine people who are working in the sex field, have to make ends meet, pay the rent (somehow), have no legal documentation to stay in this country, are planning/or working towards permanent residence, are not out and have unsafe sex because of it, are physically addicted to heroine and can only share needles at a given time, or people who in general (and that’s what it boils down to) lack education or access to appropriate education.
Abstinence only programs have failed and will continue to fail because it’s not built on a logical model. People want and will do things they are told not to. Its human nature and you won’t learn until you get burned. Abstinence-only programs will not work for sex workers who are transgender and have no other alternative but to do that work. There are so many obstacles around it, and to test to confirm ones status can be detrimental for one if you are not ready to receive that news.
Although I have tested thousands of people for HIV (as a counselor) and know the importance of testing early to get treatment etc, I also know the importance of being ready to test. From my experience as a counselor I have found that most people who test do not cry, over react (and that’s even a judging word), most people when they test are ready to here the news, whatever it is. We as a population need to stop stigmatizing HIV, as a gay, as a death sentence, or any of the above things in order for people to actually accept the message from the media, bring it home, let it simmer in and take initiative on it.
Even though Magic Johnson does romanticize (for a lack of a better term/word) HIV he does his part in the fight, but again he is only and one message isn’t enough.
For more information on locations or on HIV/AIDS go to www.hafnyc.org . Or contact me.